


Truth or Dare

by Kamirynn



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Best Friends, Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, David Can't Sleep, Insomnia, M/M, Patrick wants to help, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 06:15:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19126270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamirynn/pseuds/Kamirynn
Summary: The gang settles in for some drinks and a game of Truth or Dare after another successful open mic night.Fic Night prompt:- Another party, this time with a game of truth or dare (doesn’t necessarily have to be at Patrick’s, could be anywhere - maybe at a bonfire?)- David has a bout of insomnia and Patrick tries to tire him out- Plot as a whole is up to writer, but must include this sentence: I’m sorry that I woke you up by setting the smoke alarm off by cooking bacon but I’m definitely not sorry enough to give you any.





	Truth or Dare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madesimplefic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madesimplefic/gifts).



> Set season 5 - Post "Housewarming", Pre "The Hike"

“Well, that was a big success.” David flips the sign on the store to closed and flicks the lock on the door,waving at the last of the guests through the glass.

Patrick grins. “It was. Remind me again why we don’t do more of these?”

They had just closed out another successful open Mic Night at Rose Apothecary, with Stevie,Twyla, Ted and Alexis staying behind to help David and Patrick clear up. Well, Ted and Twyla are helping the boys clear up. Stevie and Alexis just seem to be helping clean up the left over wine.

“Because my tolerance for beat poetry is limited and I still have genuine fear that one day there will be improv.”

After the chairs are stacked and the rubbish is cleared away, the gang settle in to have a few drinks and chat about the night’s performances. David chooses to instead wander through the store checking all the displays, repositioning bottles, adjusting scarves, wiping away invisible dust, making micro adjustments to ensure every product is in exactly the right position. No one offers to help;they’d all been told off at one time or another for their ‘incorrect’ facing or product placement. This is David’s labour of love, so they leave him to it.

After a while Stevie whispers to Alexis. “Hey… hey.”

“What, I was totally going to pay for it!” Alexis snaps, dropping her hands guiltily. Stevie notices the way they’re clenched, and knows that there will be one of the store’s signature lip balms hidden in there.

Stevie grins, thinking about the bottle of wine she has tucked safely in her bag. “Don’t care. Also – I dare you to turn all of those around the other way.” She gestures to the display of body milk that David has already adjusted as part of his ritual.

Alexis’ eyes widen and she breaks into a broad smile. “Stevie, you little minx, I’m in!”

She leans over to the display. Carefully keeping her eyes on David’s back, she silently twists all the bottles to face backward.

Patrick has seen the exchange and he watches Alexis turn the bottles. “You sure you’re up for whatever _that_ unleashes tonight?”

“Oh please, Patrick, it’s one display. He’ll probably think he’s missed it and do it again, he’s had two glasses of wine already.”

Patrick shakes his head. “I would not count on that. He has a system, he’ll know.”

Stevie pulls her lips into a tight grin, dubious. “You sure about that?”

“100%.”

“Alright, let’s test it – I dare you to …” She looks around the room. “Turn all the lip gloss upside down.”

“They are lip _balms.”_

Stevie rolls her eyes at the correction.

“And no way, I am not going to play this fgame with you.”

Stevie smirks. “You scared, Brewer?”

“No – it’s just been a long day and I don’t know if I have the energy tonight to keep up with him if he goes into an ‘incorrect rant’ again. If you’re so brave, Stevie, you mess with the lip balms.”

“Nah, he’ll never believe I would do something that lame… _you_ on the other hand.”

Patrick purses his lips at the muted insult, but has to concede. “This is true… alright. I dare you to _wear_ the lip balm, see if he notices.”

“Gross. Also he’d totally notice, I never wear it.”

“Scared?”

“Gimme the gloss.”

“Balm.” Patrick repeats

“Whatever. Gimme.”

Patrick hands over a tube, mentally noting to pay for it later. Stevie slathers it on, across her cupids bow, almost down to her chin, making her whole mouth shiny.It looks ridiculous.

Twyla and Ted are chatting about the new bunnies to come into the clinic and whether or not Ted would consider revisiting the bunny cam. “Did you know that a group of Rabbits can be called a fluffle?”

“Aww ...”

Twyla notices Alexis covering her mouth with her hands, stifling her giggles. “What’s going on?”

Patrick shakes his head. “Stevie and Alexis are trying to make my life hell. Stevie dared Alexis to move the body milk. So we made Stevie wear lip balm like a circus clown...”

Suddenly they have Ted’s attention “Dares! I love dares. Give me one!”

Ted’s loud chipper voice brakes David from his focus and he turns to the group.

“Who is daring who now…? Oh My God Stevie, your face? You look like you just went apple bobbing in a tub of Vaseline.”

Stevie grins “I told you he’d notice.”

“Notice what exactly?” David’s eyes are darting between them. “Stevie’s sloppy mouth? How could I not. Also Alexis, if you touch one more bottle, I will personally make you drink the body milk.”

Patrick gives them all a smug ‘I told you so’ grin.

Ted looks crestfallen. “Does this mean I don’t get a dare?”

“Oh babe!” Alexis trills. “I dare you to get me another yummy glass of wine.”

“Oh. OK. Of course, babe.” Ted slumps off to the register to bring back the bottle of red.

Twyla senses the drop in energy and can’t help herself. “My cousins once dared me to go hunting with them. Turns out there weren’t actually any turkeys, and they just needed my fingerprints. so...”

Stevie laughs. “Oh David, remember that time you...”

“No...Nope!”

“What?” Patrick is sure he knows everything about David, he hasn’t seen him clam up about a story like this in a long time. “What does he remember? Stevie, I dare you to tell me that story.”

David glares at her “Don’t even think about it.”

“It’s a dare now, David…I kind of have to.”

So she tells everyone about the hunting trip, and David’s ‘first kill’. David anxiously scrubs his face with his hands, peering at Patrick over the top of his fingers. Patrick shakes his head in disbelief.

“I knew you weren’t an animal lover David, but I never imagined...Hmm, well thanks for that Stevie, I think Thanksgiving may be ruined for me forever.” Stevie looks smug, but Ted seems genuinely uncomfortable. Patrick picks up the game again in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Hey,Ted?”

“Yeah bud?”

“You like cats, right?”

“Yeah, of course!”

“Great – I dare you to see how many of those Himalayan cat hair scarves you can get around your neck”

David looks at him gratefully. Ted is out of his chair even before Patrick can finish the request.

 

It’s seven scarves. Nearly eight, but there’s not enough length for it to sit around his neck, so he starts wrapping them around his arms and then his waist until he has all twenty of the store’s scarves around his body.

Alexis claps her hands in tiny applause. “Oh babe, you look like a really soft Michelin man. Or like the Stay Puft Marshmallow man! I just want to give you a hug!”

David springs towards her with his palms up in an exaggerated ‘stop’. “Alexis no! You’ll get your stink all over them.”

“I do not _stink,_ David!”

“Yes, you do – you smell like your jenky designer perfume.” He smiles fondly at Ted. “Ted wears our Cedar Dragon cologne, and smells delightful, just like the store. Ted, you look ridiculous. But yes, very soft and marshmallowy.”

Ted begins to rehang the scarves, a goofy smile on his face, happy to be included in the game at last.

“Actually...” David can’t help himself. “Just...you know what, I’ll do it”

Alexis jumps to Ted’s defence. “David! It’s fine. No one cares! They look fine.”

“I just have a particular way that I like them to look.”

“Ugh, we know! But you don’t have to be so…retentive all the time. They don’t have to look exactly the same, you can mix it up. Maybe people would appreciate the change in aesthetic...”

“OK, what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” David crosses his arms. “My _aesthetic_ is just fine _thankyouverymuch.”_

“I’m just _saying_. Everything with you is; Correct, incorrect. There’s no grey area. It’s all black and white. God, David, even your wardrobe!”

Patrick crosses the store to David to squeeze his shoulder encouragingly. “I like your wardrobe.”

Stevie chuckles. “Well, it’s not like yours has more variety, Patrick…”

“It’s true,” Twyla adds. “David, you’re always in those beautiful black sweaters and Patrick, blue really is your colour. You guys always look great, you both just have your own signature style.”

Stevie and Alexis shoot each other a conspiratorial look, and they share a wicked smile.

Alexis claps her hands. “Oh my god! Yes! I dare you two to swap clothes!”

“What? Why would you say that?” Patrick stares at her, terrified.

“Alexis, NO!” David sucks his lips in, his eyes wide.

Stevie smirks. “Oh, so you _are_ scared then…?”

 

Ten minutes later the boys emerge from the stock room. David is squeezed into Patrick’s button down and jeans and Patrick is dwarfed by David’s long flowing sweater and black pants.

The group can barely contain their laughter.

“This is fun. This is fun for me.” David folds his arms petulantly across his chest, which only causes the shirt to strain further. The group dissolves into hysterics. Patrick can only stare at the outline of David’s chest and arms tensing against the fabric.

Ted regains composure first. “I’m sorry, big guy, but you both look like you’ve just stepped out of an 80’s body swap movie.”

“Oh totally!” Alexis says. “Like your own personal freaky Friday, David!”

David considers this for a moment then looks to Patrick, then back to the group. “No! There's no way I’m Lindsay Lohan right now!”

This gets more laughter from the group. Twyla is in fits of giggles. “Oh I don’t know, David! I picture you more as a Jodie Foster...”

“OK. No! If you think it’s so funny, I dare you to...I don’t know, finish that whole bottle of wine!”

“Oh...I’m sorry, David, I just meant you looked cute. But I don’t really like to do dares, not since the fingerprints.”

Ted smiles softly at her. “What about a truth, then?”

“Oh yeah, that I can do.”

They all laugh – when have they known Twyla to not tell outlandish truths? Then the room gets awkwardly quiet as they all struggle to think of something they don’t already know about her.

Ted brightens. “OK I’ve got one! If you could body swap with any one in the room, who would it be?”

Twyla grins. “Oh that’s easy! Stevie!”

Alexis pouts. Stevie coughs, almost spitting her wine across the room.

“What? Why would you say that? Is this so you can go and teach me to live a better life or some shit?”

“No, no! Nothing like that. I just really admire you. You’re just super interesting, you’re always reading these really great books, And you just seem to really know yourself. Plus you own the motel and you’ve practically been adopted by the Rose’s.” She looks down, a little sad. “You’re just really cool, and I think that it would be awesome to be you.”

Alexis smiles, clearly mollified by Twyla's response. “Aww, Twy! That was super cute. Are you guys gonna, like, hug now?”

Stevie glares at Alexis, mouthing “NO!”

David jumps on the opportunity “Oh, interesting… Hey Stevie, I dare you to give Twyla a big ole hug!”

Stevie shoots David a look and then sighs. She lifts herself slowly out of her chair and Twyla stands up to meet her. Stevie awkwardly wraps her arms around the taller girl’s shoulders. Twyla smiles and hugs back. Something in Stevie shifts and the hug relaxes into genuine affection. They step out of their embrace and Stevie flops back down into her chair.

“So for the record, I would have done that without the dare. I’m not a monster. But what you said, that was really.. nice. Not like, completely accurate. But nice. Thank you. Now, can someone dare _me_ to drink the rest of the wine?”

David cocks his head. “I’ll dare you _not_ to drink any more of my wine for the rest of the night?”

“That’s a hard pass.”

Patrick smiles “Well, if you pass on a dare, you know we’re going to have to ask you for a truth.”

“Let me drink the rest of that wine and I’ll tell you literally anything…”

“Hopefully not _anything.”_ “ David gives her a sly smile.

Twyla perks up. “OK I’ve got one. What’s the weirdest date you’ve ever been on?”

Stevie frowns for a moment and then smiles, gesturing to David and Patrick “Theirs.”

Patrick gawks at her “What?”

“Your first date with David. When he invited me to the ‘birthday dinner’,” she says, making air quotes with her fingers. “That was weird. I mean, it was very clearly a date.”

David looks down, smirking a little awkwardly. “And I’m sure I thanked you for making your speedy exit.”

“You could thank me again with wine.” Stevie waves her empty glass in the air, hopefully. 

Ted relents, moving from his comfortable position on the chair to grab two more bottles of wine and top up everyone’s glasses. “This round’s on me, Patrick, make sure you add them to the list.”

David is picking at the tight fabric of Patrick’s button down. “Are we done with this now, because I am not comfortable. And this is definitely not as cute as the look I spent 20 minutes pulling together this morning.”

Patrick is eyeing him carefully. “I don’t know, David.” He strokes the soft cashmere of David’s sweater against his own chest “This is really warm and fuzzy. And I think you look _very_ cute.”

“OK. We’re done now.” Laughing, David drags Patrick back to the stock room. They’re gone longer than they need to be, and when they return David’s hair is dishevelled and Patrick's collar is buttoned up all the way. Stevie smirks, remembering the last time Patrick had something to tuck away under his shirt. He catches her eye and subconsciously runs a finger around his collar, adjusting himself to ensure that whatever love bite is hiding under there is definitely concealed.

The wine is flowing now and the game has gained its own momentum. Patrick asks Alexis about her best celebrity kiss and she has to give him her top five, unable to choose, arguing with David whether the Olsen Twins count for two spots or one. Ted admits to practising his puns on the animals. “My very first day at the clinic I had a dachshund come in to be de-sexed. I said, that’s OK buddy. I’m _n_ _ew Ted_ too!” It’s almost 2am before they all say their goodbyes and stumble out into the night.

“Is there any chance you can drive right now? Because your apartment is _far._ ” David asks Patrick hopefully, watching the others teeter off home.

“David, I’m pretty sure I had a bottle to myself, so no, I cannot drive.”

“Well, that seems selfish…”

“I’ve never had to sing Katy Perry before, I needed the Dutch courage. Gotta wonder though why Stevie wanted me to sing that song?”

“I try not to wonder about Stevie... You were amazing though.”

“I know…The motel is closer?”

“Oh, absolutely not!”

~~~

They finally make it to Patrick’s apartment, falling through the door, singing and giggling, each of them hushing the other.

“That was a fun night.” David is heading for the drinks trolley in the corner of the apartment. “What’s your poison, Mr Brewer?”

“I don’t know David, I have a lot of vendor phone calls in the morning, I think I just need to take some aspirin and go to bed.”

David pouts “One drink? I’ll let you sing at me some more?”

“Oh, you’ll _let_ me? Because you definitely don’t love it when I sing at you?” Patrick sidles up to David, sliding one hand under the sweater to loop behind his back and stifling a yawn with the other. “David, come to bed.”

“I absolutely will do that. I just have something I need to do first.”

“Is it pacing around the apartment for 3 hours? Because I won’t be able to sleep if you can’t.”

“I’m just really wired right now...”

“OK. Noted. Other than alcohol induced numbness, how can I help? What would help you calm down?”

David arches his brows “Well...”

Patrick smiles, his eyes lingering on David’s lips for a second too long before pulling him into long slow kiss. David melts into him.

“David, come to bed…”

This time David can’t resist and he allows himself to be pushed toward the bed. Patrick walks him backward, his hands on David’s shoulders, digging his fingers in a little too hard, their eyes locked together.

When David’s calves bump into mattress Patrick gives him a firm push and he falls heavily onto the bed. Patrick smiles and climbs up to straddle David’s waist. He leans in close, dragging his lips along David’s jaw to plant a kiss just behind his ear. A ripple of goosebumps appear along David’s neck and David groans.

Patrick sits up “Is this helping David?”

“I mean… It’s not... _not_ helping. But I’m not exactly feeling calmer right now.”

”Hmm.” Patrick slides his hand up under David’s sweater, scraping his fingernails lightly along the side of his ribs. “How about now? Calmer yet?”

David’s head is tipped back and his face is flushed. Patrick can feel him growing hard underneath him. David breathes out and nudges his hips up into Patrick. “Uh uh… not yet.”

Patrick sinks his weight down and grinds his hips backward slightly, relishing in the little gasp it elicits from David. “You know what I think the problem is?”

David sucks at his bottom lip, holding back a smile. “Oh…there’s a problem?”

“Yes, the way I see it, you’ve got far too many clothes on to be properly comfortable and relaxed.”

Patrick slides his other hand under David’s sweater, pushing both hands up either side of his rib cage,rucking David’s sweater up enough to reveal smooth stomach and chest. Patrick leans down to nuzzle into David’s chest, running his tongue up David’s sternum and then breathing out slowly along the wet trail sending more chilly goosebumps over David’s skin. He’s exploring now, leaving wet kisses all over David’s chest, brushing his lips across one nipple and then the other.

Patrick sits up again. “Lose the sweater, David.”

David wriggles the rest of the way out of his sweater, pulling it gently over his head and handing it to Patrick who reverently folds it and hangs it over the end of the bed before returning his focus to David’s chest,dragging his fingernails in little figure eights.

“Better?”

David smirks. “Oh, uhuh, I’m absolutely more comfortable. But alas, not calm.” And with that he sits up, sliding his arms around Patrick’s waist to stop him tipping backwards, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

“You know David, I meant what I said tonight. You looked very cute in my shirt.”

“You made that very clear in the stock room.”

“Though I was worried for a minute that you might pop the buttons.”

“Would you have been mad?”

Patrick grabs David’s shoulders, steadying himself to wrap his legs around David’s waist and taking the opportunity to grind into him again. “Oh, absolutely,” he says, but he’s shaking his head. “I’ve never ever wondered what it would be like to have clothing just tear away from a body,” he adds, and smirks.

“Well, you know if you ever try that on one of my sweaters I will actually have to kill you.”

“I’m not insane David, I would never try it on _you.”_ And now he’s staring hard at David, willing him to read his mind.

David cocks his head and gives a little half smile. His hands slide around to Patrick’s chest.He fists the fabric of Patrick’s shirt, one hand either side of the button line, just underneath the collar. He looks at Patrick carefully, ready to ask him if he’s sure, and he sees the flush in his face, hears Patrick’s breathing…and he knows. Patrick’s excitement sends a shock wave through David, and with one strong movement, Patrick’s shirt is in pieces, buttons pinging of furniture and walls.

Patrick breaths hard. “Fuck, David.”

And then they’re back on the bed. Both scrambling for purchase, hands furiously tugging at belts, mouths seeking each other, groaning into rolling kisses. Soon the rest of their clothes are lying around the room and Patrick rolls on top of David, slotting their legs together. David growls at the skin contact as they slide.

“I want you, Patrick.”

“Really? That is shocking news...”

“Like, _now_.”

Patrick reaches across the to the bottom bedside drawer, rifling around to find the tiny tube. Expertly flicking the cap off with his thumb, he squeezes the lube into his other hand. He leans back to David, pressing in for a bruising kiss while he slides his hand up between David’s thighs, gently working him open with the shiny liquid.

David tips his head back. “Patrick!”

“Yeah, I got you.”

Patrick grips himself tightly before guiding into David with agonising slowness. He reaches out for David’s hands and with their fingers interlaced, lying flush against him, he rocks into David. Slowly at first, but then David is pushing back into him, meeting every thrust. He can feel David, the friction of him, hard and leaking against his belly between them, and it’s too much. “Oh God, David...” He lets go of David’s hands and repositions himself, pushing up onto his palms, driving in deeper with every beat.

“Yes, Patrick!” David starts to stroke himself, working into their rhythm. He grabs Patrick’s ass with his other hand, digging in his fingernails, leaving his mark.

“Fuck David, I’m gonna...”

“Yes! Please! I’m there.”

David’s eyes roll. He lets out a long low moan and Patrick has no control. Falling on top of David, he bites into his boyfriend’s shoulder, stifling a scream.

They lay panting for a moment, until their breathing slows to an easy rhythm. Patrick reluctantly moves off of David to lay beside him, propping himself up on his elbow and brushing an errant hair from David’s brow. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“Any calmer?”

“So much.” David smiles. “Shower?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely.” Patrick’s eyes are hooded and he stifles a yawn. “You go first, get the water…” His voice trails off.

“Patrick?”

Patrick startles. “I am right behind you,” he says, but he’s already collapsing slowly backward onto the pillow.

David slips out of the bed and pulls a package of wet wipes off the dresser,dropping it unceremoniously onto Patrick’s chest. “I am going for a shower. If you’re not going to join me, at least think of my thread-count.”

Patrick’s eyes don’t open, but he chuckles. “Must protect the thread-count,” he mumbles sleepily.

David rolls his eyes and heads to the bathroom. When he’s clean and dressed he comes back, expecting to find Patrick in the same position. But the wipes are back on the dresser and Patrick is dressed in cotton boxers, snoring gently. He climbs in beside him pulling the covers over them both.

He feels so much better – so much calmer…Maybe there’s time to just check Instagram really quickly…

***

The noise is _deafenin_ _g_ **.** And the smell? Is that smoke?Patrick flies out of bed, his brain going into emergency mode. It’s dark, and he can’t see David anywhere. “David?! Where are you? Are you OK? There’s a fire, we have to get out of here!”

David’s voice is high and reedy, and it’s coming from the kitchen. “There _was_ a fire. But only a really small one and it’s under control now. Even if the smoke alarm doesn’t think so.”

Patrick’s eyes adjust and his brain slows down. Now he can see David standing in the kitchen with a halo of smoke, flapping a dish cloth ineffectually at the smoke alarm. There’s more details filtering through now. The smell is not – undelicious – just very charred.

“David, what time is it? Did you try and _cook?_ ” Patrick reaches up to pull down the smoke alarm and plucks out the battery, silencing its high pitched beeps.

“Oh thank God! Well, I couldn’t sleep, and I was hungry, and I watched this Insta video where they made candied bacon. They made it look so easy.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“I’ve eaten worse. Look, I’m really sorry I woke you up. Go back to sleep.”

“Well I’m awake now.” He steps toward David, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Can I at least try some of the bacon?”

“No, you cannot.”

“Wait So let me get this straight. You’re sorry that you woke me up by setting off the smoke alarm to cook bacon. But you’re not sorry enough to give me any?”

“That is correct.” David says defiantly “Also, I ate it all.”


End file.
